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WIRTB Review: The MC Hammer Story


At long last (I think?), I have returned to break you off a piece of that funk, channel my inner Steve Harvey, and coon around for ridiculous amounts of money present another mini-edition of WIRTB Review. Today, I look at Too Legit: The MC Hammer Story (a/k/a U Can't Touch This: The MC Hammer Story). Now, I won't be the guy who says that Hammer, musically, wasn't all that great. You've heard that story before. I'm looking at the film behind the man who bastardized "Super Freak."

Right off the bat, you notice that adult Hammer is played by Romany Malco. Malco, a former rapper himself, isn't exactly the most dramatic actor. In fact, drama is his strong-suit like not copying Lil' Wayne is Young Thug's. In other words, we're in for a world of trouble. Let's just look at some clips from the movie.

 


The acting is Robert Townsend-meets-Uwe Boll bad at points. Sadly, at least Uwe Boll keeps it interesting with shit blowing up. Here, if you're not crying with tears of unintentional laughter, you're crying at the sheer shit that's shat its way onto your television screen. In the second clip, young Hammer, who was seen as a sorta guru for the Athletics, walked into the A's locker room to some sort of porno disco music. Potentially homosexual overtones aside, it was a weird scene.

But, even though this movie sucked, was it really that bad? Well, we've got to take in account that this era in TV Biopics was before the TLC movie. Therefore, they all usually sucked. So, yes, it's that bad. But, this one is asininely bad. For one, most of the movie seems to place the blame of Hammer's follies on his dealings with Death Row. C'mon son! We don't want to see a short stint dragged out for the rest of the movie. Where's the MC Hammer going bankrupt to the point where he's appearing in local TV ads? Additionally, Tupac's displayed as, pretty much, "just another nigga." AND HE'S PLAYED BY FUCKING LAMONT BENTLEY! FUCKING HAKEEM (MAY HE RIP) FROM MOESHA IS PLAYING TUPAC FUCKING SHAKUR?! At that point, I said "fuck it. I rebuke this movie!"

But...as bad as Hammer and this movie are (and the movie is fucking basura), they have a kitschy uber-cheese factor to them that you can't...touch. It's like watching a hip-hop version of The Room...if The Room actually took itself seriously even after it was released. And now? I'm going to Cliche Hell.

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