DAR Dating: The "When Are You Having A Baby" Question

By @CurlsAndSports 

First things first: Stay out of my uterus! 

Now that that's out of the way, let me just say: Babies are wonderful. They have the ability to get you all tender-hearted. You'll catch yourself making all these silly faces just to entertain them. The biggest smile comes across your face when the baby in the family does something adorable. Who doesn't love babies? There are actually some who don't but the majority love them. There's a bigger issue at hand however...... I need ya'll to stop asking me when I'm having a baby. ASAP.

The opening line of this article was inspired by my best friend, MJ, who also finds herself in the same predicament. Does a baby validate your accomplishments? In the eyes of some, it does. I have another friend that doesn't want to go to her high school reunion because the majority are married with a kid or no marriage and just a child. But what about her other achievements such as busting her ass and getting her masters? A few friends are moving in with their boyfriends and that apparently means that you're going to be pregnant soon. No, that means that you're looking to take your relationship to the next level. I have friends who bought houses and yet they're questioned about it, as if they broke a law or something.

It's crazy for me to see that certain things get overlooked because you're a certain age and haven't established a family yet. It brings one thought to mind:


We all know that our clock is ticking. Our bodies are technically ready to have babies at 16. That's wild but it's how our reproductive system works. In addition, the amount of pressure added on couples is at an all time high when they go to certain occasions. In other words, babyshowers. You're there for the couple expecting, not to be questioned about your own procreation. We never truly know what is going on between a couple. Be mindful because your question of, "When are you guys having a baby?!," may come as a dagger to a few ladies.

Many of us grew up watching Friends and in the show, we saw the fertility woes that Monica and Chandler had. Adoption is an idea that many parents would rather not think about but it's always an option. Have you ever thought that there might be someone you know who is going through that and perhaps puppies are enough for them? Imagine how they feel when they're asked, "So when are you having a baby?!"

Leave our uterus alone. Please. 

There are bigger things in life. How about you ask more appropriate questions like, "You guys have been together so long! How do you do it?" Simple and that's not a low blow. Or, "How's work going? Working on moving up?"

I feel like if you ask me this question, this grants me the opportunity to also ask you about your life because I believe that it's a very personal question. In exchange, I should be able to ask you, "So when are you going back to school?" But then I'm the jerk if I ask that question. What's the difference? There is none.

By now, I suspect that many of you should know that I'm immensely superstitious. Mentioning these topics, in my opinion, contributes to bad juju coming to the relationship. If you messed up all of your New Year's resolutions, start working on this one and let go of this silly inappropriate question because quite frankly, it's not of your damn business of when I plan on being with child.

-Erika Fernandez


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