The Relationship Corner: A Discussion on Cheating

In relationships, there are expected to be ups and downs. The good times and bad times are normal, but some of us tend to not know how to deal with those and seek out others. Some are not able to control desires and end up stepping out on their significant other. Whatever the case, it seems as if cheating is far too relevant these days, so we gathered up the team to discuss cheating. Let's get into it.

My thoughts on cheating and being deceiving simply boil down to this. Don't dish it if you can't take it. If there's something you're doing or contemplating doing, just think if your significant other were to do it, would you feel violated? If the answer is yes, then you probably shouldn't do it. One thing I've learned over my years is that double standards will drain a relationship QUICK! If you aren't mature enough to compromise, a relationship isn't something you should dabble in. I had a friend, we'll just call her "YANDY" who was faithful to her bf of a little over a year despite him cheating on her. Instead of leave him, she harbored slight resentment that she never addressed to put issues at rest. She met a guy who she clicked with that was also in a relationship, however he wanted more than a friendship with her. She rejected after many advances, but then finally asked herself, 'Why am I being loyal to an unloyal nigga?!' He was in a relationship, so she didn't have to leave her man & he knew so he would play his position. His name was 'KAYLA' in her phone & they had a code word that was expressed before texting for safety measures. She would leave her bfs dorm & walk over to the next building & be with the other guy. He was on the basketball team, so she would go to his games and he would wink at her in the stands. As soon as his gf left his dorm, he would call her to come through or pick her up from her house off campus. YANDY's bf never found out. His gf did, but only because when he was overseas playing basketball he sent her an email professing his love & she hacked into his account & found it.

Needless to say fellas, be careful with who you cheat on as well because if she wants to spite you & cheat back on you, you will never find out if she doesn't want you too. They kept dealing with each other though because despite the circumstance they had fun. That ONE question quickly turned their friendship into a lust affair that lasted YEARS even after YANDY broke up with the man she originally cheated on. They probably still would be dealing with each other if it were not for her ending things, but he went from 'side nigga' to 'you wouldn't leave your boyfriend for me?' And 'I'm not a side nigga, I'm boyfriend #2'. It was fun at first. Exciting even, but feelings began to surface that were one sided and that wasn't a game that she was willing to play. So they remained friends on her end, 'cordial' on his, because his feelings were too involved to be able to remain friends. YANDY later went on to date and even became engaged to a man who she fell deeply in love with. She was done with the cheating game and serious about this relationship so any guy approaching incorrectly got checked immediately. Around the third year anniversary YANDY found out her fiancé had not only cheated, but cheated with THREE other females DURING their relationship and even went on vacations with one WHILE she was in the hospital. Moral of the story, even if you both have significant others, don't cheat...karma is a evil bitch and what goes around surely comes around TENFOLD.

My opinion is simple. If you feel the need to cheat, then you no longer need to be responsible for a relationship. This goes for payback cheating as well. To me cheating says a lot about your maturity level and character. We all have weak moments, but when you act on your weakness, you become weaker by design. I also feel if you really love someone you'd save them that hurt by leaving.

When it comes to cheating, I have been in all three positions involved: the cheater, the one who was cheated on, and the man the woman in the relationship was cheating with aka the side nigga. Cheating is different for each situation, although most people equate cheating to physical action. Each person should have a clear understanding of what their partner sees as cheating before even entering into a relationship therefore there is no room for confusion later on. Some may consider flirting cheating, while others who may be in an open relationship may say that keeping secrets of outside actions may be cheating. As I said it's different for each individual relationship. I personally can look beyond certain things if I'm in a relationship because as I said, I've been in all three positions so my feelings toward the matter is different. If I'm in a long term relationship or marriage I can honestly say I can forgive cheating, that's just me and I completely understand anyone who couldn't. In my opinion, the worst kind of cheating a person can do is when emotions become involved. Its one thing to simply have a moment, or moments of weakness and you give in to lust, but when your heart is now involved and invested in this person? That's unfixable.

I think that we are too emotionally invested in relationships that aren't healthy- it's why cheating is so prominent. People unaware or ignoring their natural wants and needs, they get into a relationship they aren't ready for and fuck it up. We don't use logic in relationships so we think "love" is all you need in one. So folks end up settling-then cheating. I don't think cheating is the worst thing in a relationship. Also think that if we discussed underlying issues and insecurities, cheating wouldn't happen as often.

Have I cheated? Eh. Emotionally more so than physically. I think people know that. If not, they need to revisit my older album(s). But that's not why we're here. Unhinged is out and True asked me to talk about the dynamics of cheating and whatnot. And my thoughts may surprise you.

Cheating is natural, in some ways. Am I saying "hey, eff your main and go get 'thots'" or whatever the younguns say today? No. I'm saying that it's a natural part of a relationship, especially the desire to do it; that's how we get lustful eyes and sexual daydreams and whatnot. I think that's what gets people in trouble. It's okay to think about that sort of thing. It's human nature to want as many partners as possible. Procreation is key for any species. However, you get your ass in trouble when you act upon those urges in some sort of "80/20" thing.

For those who don't know what that means, it's essentially a theory that some people will give up on a relationship that gives them 80% of what they need to seek that other 20% from someone else. I fell victim to this phenomenon, so I'm speaking from experience when I say it's real. I'm also speaking from experience when I say you should avoid this sort of thinking like the plague. If you're really that unhappy with a partner, tell them. It's better to say "I'm unfulfilled (sexually/emotionally/intellectually)" and potentially figure out a solution than to get on a dating site just to look and end up having it snowball into something no one's prepared for.

However, as with most things in a relationship, it's a two-way street. You've got to voice your opinion. But, you've also got to be accepting of the other person's point of view. Asking "why?" over and over won't solve a damn thing and you'll just spin your wheels. Instead of focusing on the why, because, again, lust is real--as is cheating--focus on the measures you and your partner will need to take to rectify the situation.

Discussing the topic of cheating is like telling someone that they gained weight. You don't want to talk about it but you have to. When you're in that situation, you feel lost, confused, and full of anger. After going through that experience, the only thing left to do is let it go. You may compare to that person. For example, why her or him? What do they have that I don't? You'll never get that answered but one thing's for sure-their life is miserable & karma will checkmate them eventually. There's no need for you to even involve yourself. Talking about it will make you feel better. Eventually you'll laugh, make jokes and get ready to put yourself out there again. Soon, they'll be a thing of your past and just an insignificant part of your story.

Bottom line though: if you're going to cheat, break up with the person. You don't want to hurt anybody. Why be with someone if you're going to cheat? However, with marriage, I think my opinion has changed. I believe you can work it out but it takes a lot of work. But that'll be if both parties want to work it out.

I believe that cheating is unnecessary, but I understand how it occurs and why it continues to be a growing trend to discuss or do. Being a "side nigga" or "side bitch" is championed these days and while I'm well aware that most people are merely just joking when they reference these things anyway on social media, this is a very real thing. It bothers me to an extent, that we live in a microwave society period, and relationships get that treatment these days. People are so quick to rush into relationships and are so eager to put on display that they possess trust issues, are hard to love, and etc.... that it really isn't a surprise cheating is so prevalent.

I sometimes wonder if this issue truly exists because we are not meant to be monogamous and the concept to be such was embedded into our minds by society. Are we supposed to only be with just one person for the rest of our life? Are we missing out on experiences by not fucking other people while in relationships? Outside of sexual gratification, what else truly comes with cheating on your partner? Satisfaction with being deceitful? Revenge on a partner for cheating on you previously(why this happens so often is beyond me and pretty stupid)?

Now, in theory, cheating is a misguided resort reserved for those who seek out something else while in a relationship. Have I cheated? Well, that depends on your perception. To some, flirting is equivalent to cheating and I don't agree with that, but some have that view. I have flirted a bit too much in the past, though I never crossed that line and got physically or emotionally involved with someone else, my ex still felt like it was cheating.

Now, it is natural to be obviously attracted to other people while in a relationship. Lust and desire are very strong, and they are why I believe a lot of people have open relationships. Instead of fighting temptation, lust and such, they allow themselves to give into it and even grow other relationships with multiple people. In some way, being polygamous would look ideal, but I've always saw that as a bit odd in essence. If I'm going to fuck other people, what's the purpose of a one on one relationship? They say it's in a man's nature to be a cheater, and through all eras, we've seen cheating excused as "just being a man" by so many people.

I've seen men and women offer reasons for cheating, and at the core of the reasons is usually lack of communication and honesty. I've personally been a "side nigga" or have encounters with a woman in a relationship or a married woman, and while I'm not proud of that fact, I used to always wonder why she cheated on her man. In one instance, the chick said she thought her man was cheating on her, so she went out and did the same. She had no hard evidence that he cheated. She just had a feeling that he was, so instead of addressing it or walking away from a relationship with someone she doesn't trust at all, she decides to be deceitful and have sex with other men. In another instance, a married woman once told me she cheats on her husband because he cheated on her and they don't have sex often enough. When asked if she expressed her feelings to him, she explained "what's the use, he won't really listen", but she then goes on to remark that she has no intention of actually leaving him because they have children but she will continue to cheat and meet other men.

As far as I'm concerned, there should never be any reason to actually cheat on another. If your relationship leaves you unfulfilled in most aspects, then get rid of the relationship. Some of us are so afraid to be alone that we rather stay in a relationship where we are unhappy because of some false sense of warmth and stability versus finding actual happiness. My opinion is, before you cheat or push yourself to that point, either sit down with your partner and discuss the issues at hand, or walk away from the situation. If the situation can't be fixed, don't remain with someone who makes you unhappy, and then go out and fuck other people. Communicate and do what needs to be done instead of cheating.

Do you have an opinion on cheating? Post them in the comments below.



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